New babies sleep a lot. Don't they? 16 - 17 hours out of 24 right? Or roughly the equivalent of 2 hours out of every 3. Right after dinner time, play time and a little bit of cuddle time or as one "expert" labels it E.A.S.Y. Eat, Activity, Sleep and a little bit of time for You. (SNORT).
So far in the last week Reef has stayed awake from 10 till 4. He's been rocked and shushed in the basinette, in mummy's arms, in daddy's arms, sung to, and bounced. He's listened to 'soothing' music from classical, jazz to new age synthesized to the "sounds of rain" but to no avail because being free spirited and stubborn since in utero he won't sleep until he is ready. The following night he slept nowhere but on mummys chest (and she was very tired by the end of it). And then tonight he went down without complaint, wrapped up, plonked in the bed wide awake and asleep in 10minutes without a peep of sound.
And lets not get started on the day time naps. Do they even exist for longer than 20minutes? Who said parents got to catch up on sleep during the day while their child naps? Seriously, who are these people?
New parents brag about how well their child sleeps like its a badge of honour and good parenting.
Smug new parent: "My four week old baby slept from seven to seven last night. A whole twelve hours!"
Me (a little envious): "WOW. How'd you do that?" (like they did anything).
Smug new parent: "Oh he's such a good little baby and he loves the cot we bought and the new monitor that's remote controlled and plays music and doubles as a night light"....(also insert equivalent for smug parent with schedule or smug parent who demand feeds).
Joe and I have had some thoughts on this and we've come to realise that parents who think they've trained their six week and under babies to sleep through are full a load of rot. It can't be a sign of good parenting, a smart baby or even good luck, simply because a baby is designed to wake up when it's hungry or cold or hot or unable to breathe. Can you imagine poor little Reef all cold in bed and not waking to tell me? Don't you hate those nights? I certainly would want him to wake and am beginning to be glad that he has such a finely tuned survival instinct.... which must be why god created babies with a shortened sleep cycle most of which is active sleep (filled with grunts, squeeks, sighs, sleep smiles, sucking noises and flailing arms if they manage to work free and the ability to wake up at the drop of a pin).
Like all mothers at mother/baby club I'm convinced my baby is the cutest in the room. I know he is the most alert. While they sleep like slugs he's awake and usually crying very awake-like (i.e shrilly not quiet and grizzly) and sometimes he's playing. If he's awake more often, he must see and know more about the world. That must also make him the smartest baby in the room. Did you know that a little persons brain does most of its growing, 90%, in the first 2 years of life and, while deep sleep is necessary, its the active 'awake' part that cements the things learnt during the day? How smart (or healthy) can a baby be who sleeps deep?
On top of that, while a formula fed baby might have a full belly for a while, the digestive system of a breastfed newborn takes no longer than 90minutes to digest all its food. And as a little person needs its food to grow into a big person how can night time feeds be bad baby or bad parenting? Why do we spend so much energy, time and even money trying to get our babies to sleep longer through the night? Is that bad parenting?
So the next time that conversation comes up again it might go something like this -
Delusional new parent: "My baby has slept through the night from birth."
Me (a little smug): "Really? Reef wakes up several times a night. He's such a smart little baby. I feed him, change him, and occasionally rock him when his houdini brilliance has worked body parts free while sleeping. He sings and sighs through the night. I just know he'll be a great musician. Sometimes he chatters too and all that night-time talking and thinking so wears his little brain out he actually wakes just to tell me about it. His appetite is great, he'll be big and strong, and there is nothing sweeter than his 4am feed when his big eyes stare up at me though the dark and upon finishing his snack rolls over flat, kicks his feet and grins his peter pan grin, ready to play.
2 comments:
Alison, You've been thinking about this way too much.
She is not sleeping! She has a lot of spare time to think about things.
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